the not-by-friedan feminine mystique

forgive me in advance for this.



"we should make a list. what kind of qualities do you look for in a guy?"

(we love lists. i used to make pros/cons list about the boys my roommate was trying to choose between on sticky notes and tack them on the walls of our kitchen so we could all examine them while eating breakfast. it was effective, i'm sure. but this is besides the point.)
"well. he has to be physically attractive. i have to be attracted to him."
"he has to like the same things i do. or have the same values."
"he has to be funny."
"yeah, funny is good."
"and handy. i don't want to be the man in the relationship, you know? like...at home, my dad does the electrical, the plumbing..."
"so you want to date your dad?"
"you know what i mean."


later:

"who decided relationships should be monogamous?"
(we were making supper.)
"don't you think we would all be happier if we weren't? mongamous?"
three girls said no.
"why not? wouldn't it be great if we could just have a guy to come home to at night but--"
"well when do you decide to stop with one and go with the other?"
"someone always wants to keep going."
"girls are crazy."
"i'm not crazy."
"yes you are. wait until you get into a relationship. you invest so much it gets scary, and then you get crazy."
"sometimes i'm sad that my boyfriend doesn't love me like in the movies."
"we are all crazy bitches."

later yet:

i talked about attachment and detachment with my sister.

"your body remembers things even when your mind doesn't."

detach from one to attach to another. be desperately attached and indifferently detached. latch.



there is nothing simple about relationships. betty friedan wrote about "the problem with no name," that empty feeling, the inexplicable desire for something that we can't have, or we shouldn't want. there has got to be more to life than this.

she wasn't talking about relationships, necessarily, but i'm sure she would hate every moment of the above conversations.

i want someone to appreciate me, even if nobody else anywhere at anytime does.
i want a monogamous relationship but i'm not convinced they work.
i can't tell if i'm attached or detached.




carrie bradshaw out?