minor irony

first of all, i don't know how to smoke. not that i haven't, or that i'm not. a smoker, that is. which i'm not.

i don't know how to physically hold the cigarette, or what the proper technique is to inhale it into my lungs. i don't know how to get the burning end off of it when its about to fall off, or how to stop it for later use. i barely know how to use a lighter.

i've seen how its supposed to be done, of course. i've seen the pros driving down wascana parkway with a nub of a cigarette balanced between their middle and pointer finger while the other three fingers rest on the steering wheel. the blue lines of second-hand smoke drift fashionably out of the crack in the driver's-side window.

i once saw a lady doing precisely this while her child watched a movie in a car seat behind her. she slowed down in the school zone, presumably because she didn't want to risk killing any children.

stranger things have happened.