"I HAD A GOLDFISH AND I FED IT TOO MUCH AND IT DIED."

eugene, the beta fish, died at age three.

when i see other beta fish in the pet stores or in fancy vases on admin desks in offices, i'm reminded of how big our fish grew to be. he must have been at least three times the size he was when we bought him for a dollar seventy-five or whatever. i read somewhere, i think, that they grow to a size proportional to their environment, and we once had him in a really giant bowl because we felt bad for how they are usually kept in small plastic cups. the bowl was from winners, and it actually came with a sticker that said DO NOT FILL WITH WATER.

eugene survived when the bowl split in two during transition from one apartment to another. it just fell apart. one leak and then another, right in my roommates hands. the beta fish was welcomed into our new apartment in a small remainder of the base of the do not fill with water fish bowl. we downsized after that.

someone who didn't know eugene very personally flushed him because he was sick, on the bottom of the bowl. he couldn't swim anymore, but we could see his gills moving, so we couldn't bear to kill him. he was just a beta fish, like the ones in the little plastic cups.

but once, i put him in a beet jar, and punched holes in the lid, and seatbelted him into my passengers seat, and the man who pumped my gas said he'd seen alot of things, but a fish, a little beta fish in the jar, going home for christmas, WELL. that was new.